This is not my usual post today and I have been MIA for a couple of weeks. Usually our identity is based on our culture, location, social class, family, friends, and the list can go on. I’ve taken some hard hits this year and the biggest in the last two weeks. One of my best friends, my “sister from another mister” decided she no longer wanted me in her life. I was also diagnosed with Cervical intraepithelial neoplasia (CIN), also known as cervical dysplasia. This means that I have abnormal growth of cells on the surface of the cervix.

Let’s start with the first hit. My friend was a big part of my life, my neighbor, and we did business together as well. When you lose someone whose a big part of your life, a part of you goes with them. This loss was very unexpected and ended badly to a point of no return. So yes, my identity has and will continue to change. I feel myself being more cautious with social interactions, more skeptical, and less empathetic.

Right after this…BAM…abnormal cells are back! Five years ago I had a procedure done where all cells and damaged areas were removed and given the clean bill of health. So last week after being checked, it appears that the cells have come back more aggressively and my condition is progressively worse. I have many doctor visits ahead of me in the next six weeks. Once you’ve heard the big C you can never unring that bell, and it is now a part of your life from now on. No matter if it’s removed, reduced, or treated you will always need to be tested for it’s return. If you are lucky it will never return, but it’s always in the back of your mind.

I was very optimistic five years ago when the doctors said that my cells were pretty common and all was removed. My follow up was good and I could go back to a normal yearly check-up. This news came out of nowhere because I haven’t had what I would call warning signs and went in for my yearly check-up. I will have some sort of procedure to remove and treat my condition. Once again my identity will and is changing. I’m a bit more anxious and scattered brained. I’m hoping this is will dissipate quickly.

So I kinda feel like I’ve had my own personal earthquake on the inside and now I must rebuild. I’m simply not the same person that I was two weeks ago. I will keep everyone updated on my new journey, and please don’t worry. I feel very optimistic that my doctors caught this in the early stages. Thanks for taking the time to read.